Travels Around !!

Stevie Wonder

2005-06-10T22:07:00.000+12:00

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord !".
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.
The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord". A bit pissed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is,dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart....
The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise. The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord". Well and truly pissed off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart ass. You get up here and do it!"
The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing .....
" A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

No blogs

2005-05-18T17:43:00.000+12:00

No blogs for a little while because we're in Tahiti .... :o)

Far too addictive

2005-05-11T13:34:00.000+12:00

This one player or two player flash game is irritatingly addictive. Zebedee Numchuck in Major Mooning. :o)

Brainboost

2005-05-11T13:24:00.000+12:00

Google is (still) by far the best search engine although I have my front page set to www.yagoohoogle.com as yahoo is probably second and I like to compare. There is a new engine, Brainboost, which supposedly beats google when answering questions. I have only tried it a couple of times and it worked perfectly (although I doubt that I couldn't have found the answer through google in any case. An explanation of Brainboost follows:

Brainboost is a revolutionary answer engine. Brainboost uses Machine Learning and Natural Language Processing techniques to go the extra mile, by actually answering questions, in plain English.

Here's an explanation showing the difference between Brainboost and Google:

Google - User types in : 'why is mars red.'
Google retrieves all pages containing words 'mars' and 'red.'
Search results are sorted by the number of links each one of them got from other pages.
Typically, a user would then click on the first search result, read through the document and hope to find an answer.
If an answer is not found within the first search result, the user needs to repeat this process with the next search result, sometimes having to read many web pages to finally get at the answer.

Brainboost - User types in : 'why is mars red.'
Brainboost translates the query into multiple queries that will raise the probability of finding the answer to the question.
Brainboost retrieves search engine results.
Brainboost retrieves top several hundred pages and reads them.
Brainboost finds answer, in this case: 'Mars is red because of the iron in the soil.'

Nice !

2005-05-10T18:18:00.000+12:00

No comments necessary

2005-05-10T11:53:00.000+12:00

Just watch this clip of Pat Robertson (Founder and Chairman of The Christian Broadcasting Network), taken during the ad break of one of his interviews on the Larry King show. It explains so much about how the religious right, the right wing and prepackaged media enablers works, where questions exist only as the prelude to an unrelated monologue and "balance" means acceptable bias.
Of course, folks like Pat are just doing God's work, none of this is politically motivated, oh no sir. Except that here is a video showing people being barred from attending church services because they are democrats and for not supporting George W. Bush, the Iraq war and the anti-gay agenda. Barred from Church - friggin dumb mid Americans - these people claim to be Christians, claim to read the Bible and claim to believe in Jesus - so when Jesus said "Render unto Ceasere what is Ceasere's, render unto God what is God's" - was that not a little hint that politics and religion should be seperate? I could continue to rant about this for ages so I'll stop before I write something I regret.

Fastest Texter in the world is 93 years old

2005-05-10T11:37:00.000+12:00

The fastest text messenger isn't some teenage punk, but a 93-year-old. He managed to not only transmit the entire chosen message verbatim (avoiding the shortened txt and slang versions of words) but he did it entirely in morse code. Granted, the old man has 80+ years of experience but still, shame on the 13 year old who couldn't beat him sending the following message ... "Hey, girlfriend, you can text all your best pals to tell them where you are going and what you are wearing"

Had to happen sometime

2005-05-09T16:13:00.000+12:00

The register reports:

The US movie industry has made good its promise to name Brits Kevin Reid and Ian Hawthorne in its legal action against the users of their bds-palace.co.uk website, which links to BitTorrent-hosted content. The site's owners claim they were told they might have to pay $150m in damages if they fail to settle. Settlement would cost them a mere $7m.

Unfortunately for the movie industry, US law does not extend as far as the UK and even if Reid and Hawthorne decide to ignore the summons, there's little that they can do about it. I liked this comment from Matthew J Oppenheim , a partner with the Washington DC law firm responsible.

If your Prime Minister can be persuaded to back our country in the Gulf War, then there is no doubting that American law could prevail in the UK

Ha ha ha - as Reid says

Fortunately, our courts tend to be a little less in awe of our transatlantic cousins than our glorious leader does.

Absolutely !!!

Hey Ruth

2005-05-08T23:28:00.000+12:00

get a free Flickr account here to store/share your photos.

To Instanbul

2005-05-05T18:05:00.000+12:00

Did the ref save Chelsea from a much bigger loss by not sending off Cech and instead letting Garcia play advantage and maybe score? ... who cares ... what a game ... thought that Mourinho was a better man than to be so sore in defeat. The better team lost, whine, whine,whine, shouldn't have been a goal, whine, whine, whine .... this is apt

Wicked little racing game

2005-05-03T12:58:00.000+12:00

Addictive flash racing game :o)

l33t h4x0r

2005-05-03T12:51:00.000+12:00

This is so funny. This is the actual output from an IRC forum where someone who claims to be a hacker tries to break into another person's machine. He asks for the persons ip address - gets told it is 127.0.0.1 (the loopback address) and TWICE crashes his own computer before asking the 'victim' to disable his firewall which he thinks is bouncing the attacks back towards him. He finally tries to delete files from the remote machine and smugly reports as the G: drive, then the F: drive and the D: drive get removed. He actually manages to report that 30% of the C: drive has been deleted before he disappears, having wiped clean his own machine. D'oh !! Muppet !!

First Male Pregnancy

2005-04-29T16:16:00.000+12:00

Thanks to RYT Hospital-Dwayne Medical Center physicians and scientists, artist Lee Mingwei became the first human man to successfully become pregnant.
As Mr. Lee Mingwei says: A lot of people have cast this endeavor as something terribly monstrous, a startling example of how science and medicine have simply gone too far. From my perspective, however, I am simply bringing a child into this world. There is nothing more natural and beautiful on this earth than that. This is something that I've always wanted to do.
Visit his web site to view live EKG, ultrasound, and other vitals as well as detailed information about this revolutionary procedure.

The 1 Million download challenge

2005-04-29T16:14:00.000+12:00

Before the weekend, Opera's CEO, Jon S. von Tetzchner boldy proclaimed at a company meeting that if download numbers of Opera 8 reached 1 million within four days he would swim from Norway to the USA [press release]. Opera's communications department could not resist the temptation, and made his statement public. As any respectable CEO and gentlemen, Mr. Tetzchner stands by his word.

How did it go in ?

2005-04-29T16:09:00.000+12:00

Remember Tiger Woods' remarkable shot on the back 9 at Augusta? It was a Masters moment that will forever linger in memory: the chip scooted up the slope, braked, turned right and crawled down the slope towards the hole. Then, for two agonising seconds, it hung on the edge before finally disappearing into the cup.
Jeff Stone, a physics PH.D. student at the University of Kenton wrote a thesis on Woods' unbelievable shot. His theory, in brief, postulates there is no physical evidence supporting the myth that his shot went in without assistance.
On his site, he shows many sub-theories.

Old Pope-mobile for sale

2005-04-29T16:02:00.000+12:00

Now that Pope Rat has got himself one of those bulletproof, bubble pope-mobiles, he's got no use for his old Volkswagon Golf so is selling it on e-bay.

Jesus is huge

2005-04-29T15:37:00.000+12:00

This site takes the Catholic thinking about transubstantiation, the belief that when you take communion, the bread and wine transform physically into the flesh and blood of Christ and has made several assumptions to work out how large Jesus was (assuming that his body and blood are just about to run out) ... all estimates suggest that he was enormously huge

Quotes:
Perhaps Jesus, like Wolverine, has amazing regenerative powers (in which case, it's surprising it took him three days to return from the dead. But maybe he was just taking a little time-out.)

If, when you eat the wafer, it transforms into the flesh of Christ, then it's not the actual wafer you're eating, is it? it wouldn't matter what was in the wafer
So why the heck do they make gluten free communion wafers for people with allergies?

This begs the question: does transubstatiated flesh run the full digestive course?
If yes, there is a huge amount of literally holy shit out there!

For people who take communion in my church (Methodist), the ritual is merely symbolic cannibalism. For Catholics, though, it's actual cannibalism. Cool.

Quick Draw

2005-04-29T09:31:00.000+12:00

Excellent little flash animation

Giving them away !!

2005-04-28T16:37:00.000+12:00

A star on Hollywood's "Walk of Fame" was recently presented to Ryan Seacrest !!!
(he's the commentator on American Idol by the way) It turns out that stars are now purchased by fan Clubs, no need to be voted by the Oscar commitee - just need a load of 12 year olds who like the flecks in your hair and Bobs your mother's brother. Fantastic!!

All in the name

2005-04-27T10:02:00.000+12:00

A list of people whose name makes a complete sentence.
Like:

Tom Waits
Jeremy Irons
Julian Sands
Russell Banks
Britney Spears
Shelley Winters
Jeff Bridges
Wesley Snipes

and then there's always Mark Spitz and Sally Fields. I don't think Marge Proops counts (although it should) :o)

Star Wars Revelations

2005-04-22T14:09:00.000+12:00

A fan film now available to download - 45 minutes long. It looks good but I haven't downloaded it yet.

Time for a change

2005-04-16T21:51:00.000+12:00

It's time to dramatically change the site I think! Travelsaround is gonna split in two - the normal 'random guff' blog page for me to post a lot more techie stuff & geeky internet security info and then a secure bit where family can have access to post whatever messages and links and photos they want. Cheryl can then post messages herself instead of me doing the work :o)
Now, I have to work out how to do this ....

Harrison Ford's finger

2005-04-16T00:33:00.000+12:00

I'd never really noticed how much Harrison Ford uses the intimidating power of "the finger" in his movies ...dude makes a powerful point ! :o)

Butt-Face Towel

2005-04-14T23:44:00.000+12:00

There's a serious problem in your bathroom that you're not even aware of. After your bath or shower, you might be drying your face with the same part of the towel that dried your butt the day before. Or worse yet, it might have dried someone else's butt! The ingenious Butt-Face Towel brings sanitary sanity back into your bathroom.
(Cheri again)

Whose drawing Dilbert?

2005-04-14T16:07:00.000+12:00

Anyone else who is addicted to Scott Adams brilliant daily "Dilbert" cartoon strip may have noticed that the drawings look slightly differently recently. Mr Adams is still drawing them but has had to draw with his left hand recently due to him losing the use of his right hand for drawing - he's been suffering from focal dystonia. He explains on his site here.

Doogle

2005-04-13T22:19:00.000+12:00

The Irish search engine
another from Cheri

Work vs Prison

2005-04-12T07:55:00.000+12:00

IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. AT
WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 desk cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behaviour.

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family on the phone.

IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

Have a Great Day at WORK - I'm going to PRISON!!!
courtesy of Cheri

A walk down memory lane

2005-04-11T22:35:00.000+12:00

Symantec's history of email hoaxes

Pokerology

2005-04-11T22:32:00.000+12:00

The guide to card shuffling

Tricky movie quiz

2005-04-03T03:52:00.000+12:00

Where have you seen these people before?

Site Change

2005-04-02T11:18:00.000+12:00

Due to the responses from the second last post, I've decided to change this site into a "Cheryl Carter" appreciation site. Please send all pics and embarrassing stories about our young Essex English Rose to me. The site name will also soon be altered from "Travels Around!" to "Eetz Cheri, innit!"

Easter

2005-03-29T16:46:00.000+12:00

Hope that everyone had a very happy Easter and ate lots of chocolate like me.

and happy birthday from me too

2005-03-23T21:46:00.000+12:00

Happy Birthday Cheryl

2005-03-23T21:07:00.000+12:00

Happy Birthday Cheri - Have a great day :o)

Happy Birthday Brian

2005-03-22T20:49:00.000+12:00

Happy 61st Birthday

Too rich and too spoiled

2005-03-18T15:47:00.000+13:00

This is ridiculous...

LYON, France, March 16 (AFP) - The posh French ski resort of Courchevel has reserved three slopes for the exclusive use of Samsung Group chairman Lee Kun-Hee during his three-week stay, officials said Wednesday.
"Lee Kun-Hee is coming for a Samsung seminar. He's learning how to ski and is very worried about his safety," Claude Faure, director of the Societe des Trois Vallees, which manages the slopes at Courchevel, told AFP.
Faure said the chairman of South Korea's largest conglomerate would have exclusive access from Thursday to three slopes, protected by security nets, for two hours a day between noon and 3:00 pm.

Even more ridiculous it seems is Mr Faure's grasp of simple mathematics.

Tricks of the Trade

2005-03-18T13:53:00.000+13:00

Cool site ... some tricks include:

High School Teacher
When the students are acting up (or your performance is being evaluated) , turn on the air conditioning as high as it goes. The students are far better behaved when they are frozen. Note: the opposite effect does not work: excessive heat only exacerbates the issues of problem children.

Waiter
The only thing worse than having a table of eight people in your section demanding water is a table for eight demanding water with lemon slices in it, thinking their sophisticated just because they have a hunk of citrus in their glasses. So, the first person asks for water "with lemon," say "sparkling, spring, or tap" Now they either pony up for the bottled water or say "tap water" in front of all the friends they are trying to impress.

Connoisseur
When dining in a restaurant, never order a steak "well-done," as many cooks will select the worst cut for well-done steaks. Order it rare or medium rare instead, and then send it back to be cooked to your liking.

Tippler
If you're running out of money but still want a smooth vodka, buy the cheap stuff and run it through a Brita Water four or five times. This essentially refines the alcohol by removing toxins.

Police Officer
Here's an easy way to know if people are lying: they touch their faces. Even if they know not to, most people when under pressure and telling a lie will tug on their ears or scratch their noses.

Real Estate Agent
Some agents will bake cookies or brew coffee in a home an hour before they open it to the public for show. An even better technique is to bring a bread machine full of dough to the house and let it run while people tour the premises. The scent of cooking bread is the most recognizable and emotionally resonant way to create a "this smells like home" atmosphere for potential buyers.

Bridge

2005-03-18T13:45:00.000+13:00

The ongoing story of the persistent attempts to get to the other side.

Dan Brown vs The Vatican

2005-03-17T23:40:00.000+13:00

Just look how angry Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone's is. He's gone all shaky hands angry!! "The Da Vinci Code" has been out for about a year and yet it's only now the Vatican start to complain. It's been a number one best seller for months and they've been sitting around deciding who to stick in front of the cameras to complain about it. Bertone got the job. The book is superbly entertaining but historically rubbish as the author admits. It does, however, depict the Vatican as desperately protective of their own beliefs, paranoid, wary of change and unable to accept any views or opinions other than their own. Maybe Mr Brown got something right!!

You psychic ?

2005-03-17T23:34:00.000+13:00

Guess my name !

Happy St Paddy's Day all

2005-03-17T22:58:00.000+13:00

Some Irish jokes in the spririt of the season ....

Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes Jackpot of $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, "Where are we now?" The guide said, "We're in the great state of Texas." "It's a big place," said Murphy. The guide said, "It's so big, that your County Kerry would fit into the smallest corner of it." Murphy said, "Yes, and wouldn't it do wonders for Texas!"

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan.
"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.
"She spoke without interruption for about forty years"

Billy and Pa' were walking in the woods when they came across a sign saying, "Tree Fellers wanted". One of them said, "Ye know, it's a shame Paddy isn't here. We could have gotten the job".

Two farmers were driving their tractor down the middle of a country road. A car comes around the corner backs hard to avoid them , skids, tumbles twice and land in a field. Jimmy say to Eamonn, 'it's just as well we got out of that field.'

Two drunks coming home, stumbled up the country road in the dark. "Faith, Mike, we've stumbled into the graveyard and here's the stone of a man lived to the age of 103!" "Glory be, Patrick and was it anybody we knew?" "No, 'twas someone named 'Miles from Dublin'!"

2005 International Snow Sculpture Championships

2005-03-17T22:51:00.000+13:00

Worst tattoo ever

2005-03-17T22:20:00.000+13:00

( * )

Sweet as !

2005-03-12T10:55:00.002+13:00

Cool: US sportswear producer Burton Snowboards has built an MP3 player into their latest snow jacket and stereo speakers into hats. The Bluetooth-enabled jacket links a rider's cellphone or iPod with an embedded stereo system to play music on the move. I'm very impressed and would like one very much please, please. :o)

Karori Wildlife Sanctuary

2005-03-12T10:18:00.000+13:00

Last weekend, we visited Karori Wildlife Sancturay in Wellington and although it was a nice walk, we saw a total of two animals and two birds. We started off by seeing a Tuatara (New Zealand's dinosaur) because there was a guy holding it for us to see. Half way around the walk, we saw a Kaka (like a big parrot) and later we saw a small bird which we didn't know the name of. I investigated an old gold mine where there were loads of huge Wetas on the walls and despite a few butterflies, that was the height of the wildlife we found. Still, it was a nice walk and amazing that this enormous place could be hidden in the centre of Wellington. There are photos in the gallery.

The Tongariro Crossing

2005-03-11T22:45:00.000+13:00

The week before last, we headed north to do the famous Tongariro Crossing, the 8 hour trek across the Tongariro National Park in between Mount Tongariro and Mount Ngauruhoe. Due to traffic leaving Wellington, it was a long 6 1/2 hour drive to Omari where we had rented a bach. We grabbed some sleep and then got up at 6am to meet the bus to Mangatepopo in Turangi. By 8:30, we were hiking and the first few hours went easily. We enjoyed the sights of Mount Ngauruhoe (Mount Doom in Lord of the Rings), the strange rock formations and great views back towards National Park village. It couldn't stay easy for long though and we were soon using all our limbs to haul ourselves up some rocks. After a few hours, we finally made it near the top of the mountain and we had just to walk up the last few kilometres of scree before finally reaching the summit. Unfortunately, the weather didn't want to play the game and a cloud descended on the summit as we arrived and it got wetter and wetter, windier and windier. It was a shame that we couldn't see much of the Red Lakes and Emerald Lakes but although our sight was hindered, our smell wasn't and the familiar sulpuric smell of thermal activity was everywhere. The previous nights journey was so delayed that we had little time to prepare our food so our meals were the result of some tactical petrol station shopping. We ate our processed cheese and crackers in bread sandwiches which were surprisingly addictive and tried to drink as much of the water as we could. The trek was hard enough work without carrying the recommended six bottles of water with us everywhere. We found some shelter behind a rock and gave the weather a chance to clear. After a while we decided that we couldn't wait any longer for the clouds to clear so started our journey down. As the hours passed, so did the clouds and the views over Lake Rotoaira were beautiful. It was a long arduous walk down the mountain, a remarkable amount of the descent being uphill but by 4pm we had arrived at Ketetahi Car Park and could catch the bus back to Turangi. It was a long and exhausting day but even the disappointing weather on the top of the mountain couldn't spoil our moods and sense of achievement.
On Sunday, Donna and Laura went to Taupo Hot Springs to relax whilst Neil and I played a game around the Centenial Golf Course in Taupo. A first rate course with some amazing holes. The golf wasn't fantastic but the weather was and the sunburn was painful. After the golf, we headed back towards Wellington, stopping off only in Taihape where we ate the worst meal we've ever had in the "Stock and Station" pub in the centre of town. Why Donna and I decided that mussels would be a good idea is still beyond me. All in all, a great weekend - we'd highly recommend the Tongariro Crossing, highly recommend Omari and the kebab shop in Bulls just rocks - the Stock and Station in Taihape however ... :o) ... photos are in the gallery

Violating America's Dumbest Laws

2005-03-11T19:22:00.000+13:00

Two English guys have decided to go on a crime spree around the US where they break the countries stupidist laws. They will attempy whale hunting in Utah. They will attempt to have a nap in a cheese factory in South Dakota. They will ride bikes in swimming pools. They will curse on mini-golf courses. In total they plan to travel 18,000 miles in 8 weeks and will attempt to break 45 laws without arrest. God speed gentlemen!

So true

2005-03-11T19:08:00.000+13:00

DNS Report

2005-03-09T14:03:00.000+13:00

This will be of interest to a limited few I'm sure but it does provide a wealth of useful info .... The DNS Report

Addictive

2005-03-08T09:24:00.000+13:00

Another japanese game similar to one of the early yeti-games. More luck than judgement but addictive.

Gadget Fantastic

2005-02-22T11:40:00.000+13:00

The top 100 Gadgets of all time. Opinions vary - they're way too keen on Apple!!

Japanese Eye Makeup

2005-02-14T09:36:00.000+13:00

This has got to hurt .... makeup japanese style !!

Bored Granny stages fake hold up

2005-02-11T15:07:00.000+13:00

The 80-year-old threatened a cashier at a bank in Lower Austria with a toy pistol and hissed: "This is a stick up."
Then she started to laugh when she saw the cashier's terrified face.
The bank employee said: "My heart stopped for a second. But when she started laughing I realised that it was just a joke."
The pensioner told the court this week that she had done it "for a laugh".
The judge gave her a suspended sentence and warned the pensioner that she would not be let off so lightly if she re-offends in the next three years.
She replied: "If I live that long. But thanks."

Charlie Boy is coming to Wellington

2005-02-11T13:28:00.000+13:00

but he's leaving his horse at home

Cherie Blair

2005-02-09T23:49:00.000+13:00

Ooops :o)

Photos

2005-02-09T18:10:00.000+13:00

Holiday photos from Vanuatu are in the gallery.

Real or Hoax

2005-02-09T13:51:00.000+13:00

Test yourself here

The Year of the Rooster

2005-02-09T13:36:00.000+13:00

Gong Xi Fa Chai

Who knew?

2005-02-09T13:30:00.000+13:00

My favourite character from the Simpsons (Comic Book Guy) is actually called Jeff Albertson. Well there you are !

Underage Driving

2005-02-09T13:21:00.000+13:00

A four year old managed to get out of bed at 1:30am, grab the car keys, get into the car and drive down the road to the local video shop. He then, realising it was closed, turned around and drove back home. Unfortunately, he then hit two parked cars and reversed into a police car.

"What he was doing was jump down, hit the accelerator, and get back up so he could see where he was going," the town's mayor reported, explaining how someone who was too short to reach the floor pedals was able to drive a car, "It looked like a drunk passing in and out"

Story taken from Reuters

Go Ellen !

2005-02-08T10:43:00.000+13:00

It may not be the most exciting sport in the world but you have to hand it to Ellen Macarthur who is only minutes away from beating Frenchman Francis Joyon's solo round the world effort. She's only got about 100 miles to go and is nearly a day and a half ahead of his time. Muchos respect.

What a weekend !!!

2005-02-07T11:59:00.000+13:00

An absolutely amazing weekend. We enjoyed the Sevens competition in the Stadium on Friday afternoon and evening and then on Saturday, we spent the morning recovering. Laura had planned to go to the Martinborough fair but didn't surface in time so stayed at home while John and I headed over to Judgeford for a round of golf. The course was very nice but the weather was unbelievably hot and I wasn't too disappointed when John had to rush off the 15th hole to go to complete the successful purchase of his new house. (Excellent news J & F, we'll be over to help with the painting and decorating). I headed back to Wellington and watched the rest of the rugby. When New Zealand finally beat the dirty Argies in the final (and they did cheat disgustingly, see Argie banned for biting), the cheers could be heard throughout Wellington. The town was madness. At 10pm, to celebrate the Chinese New Year, the Beijing government paid for the greatest fireworks display ever seen in Wellington. It went on for ages and had fireworks few had never seen before. Spectacular. On Sunday, the weather was much more of the same .... roasting hot. We packed a picnic lunch and some sparkly and headed over the hill to the Hataitai velodrome to watch the 'One Love' festival, a celebration of New Zealand reggae to mark Bob Marley's 60th birthday, and to a lesser extent Waitangi Day. It was good but we struggled to find well needed shade. In the evening, we said goodbye to everyone and collapsed back in the house. Another weekend requiring further days off to recover.

Got ourselves some free 'sevens' tickets

2005-02-04T13:57:00.000+13:00

Just been given free 'box seats' tickets for Lolly and I to go and watch the international sevens competition at the WestPac stadium. We're both really excited and can't wait to get there. 16 teams from around the world are playing including England, Scotland and France but no Ireland unfortunately. Lolly will obviously be supporting England and I'll be splitting my support between Scotland, New Zealand and some minnows like The Cook Islands and Kenya. It's going to be a long night and more of a party than anything else - loads of people are dressing up as cowboys, American footballers, nurses, nuns, soldiers, political leaders and in many other costumes. There'll even be green people there (see photo left). Gonna be a great night :o))

Hertzmann Knife Skills

2005-02-04T09:49:00.000+13:00

Some good cooking advice and a guide to prevent losing fingers from Hertzmann

I’m always flabbergasted when I observe a cooking teacher with poor knife skills. Unfortunately, it’s all too common. I even occasionally observe a professional cook, even in France, with poor knife skills, although this is a less common occurrence. In my opinion, good knife skills are an essential component of being a good cook. And good knife skills are not particularly difficult for the average person to learn.

Buck the animated deer

2005-02-03T18:01:00.000+13:00

You may want to remove Billy The Bigmouth Bass from your wall to make room for Buck The Animated Deer.

Let Buck be the life of the party as he moves and grooves to the music. Mount him on the wall and let your friends admire your hunting skills. Then click the wireless remote... and get ready! Enjoy their stunned surprise and side-splitting laughter as Buck belts out songs like "Rawhide," "Friends in Low Places," and "Sweet Home Alabama" while his head bobs, his mouth moves exactly to the words, and his ears wiggle to the beat.

50 things to eat before you die

2005-02-03T15:24:00.000+13:00

The BBC asked for people to vote for the top 50 foods you should really try before you die. I've tried 45 of them, only Moreton Bay Bugs, Alligator, Guinea Pig, Reindeer and Durian Fruit to go ... mmmm ... sounds tasty!

Interpretation

2005-02-03T15:22:00.000+13:00

Face it, men and women see things differently. Interpretation is all in the eyes/mind of the beholder. Examples below:

One day, Husband asks wife..... What would YOU really like for Valentines Day.... or any day for that matter.
"I'd love to be six again", was her reply.
On the morning of Valentine's Day, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!"

Jack wakes up at home with a hangover so huge he can't believe it. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean ... so is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirin, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and then notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping -- Love you!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast on the stove and the morning newspaper on the table. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, a rose was on my pillow, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"
Broken Furniture - $ 85.26
Hot Breakfast - $ 4.20
Red Rose Bud - $ 3.00
Two Aspirins - $ .38
Saying the right thing, at the right time ......... Priceless!!!

Great animated gifs

2005-02-01T22:42:00.000+13:00

There are so many of these and all really well done. Have a look at Sheepfilms and be amazed. :o)

The speech Bush SHOULD have given

2005-02-01T13:34:00.000+13:00

Juan Cole is Professor of History at the University of Michigan. Here he writes the speech he wishes that Bush had given to congress before going to war with Iraq.

Holiday in Vanuatu

2005-01-30T03:29:00.000+13:00

There's so much to tell from our fortnight in Vanuatu so I'll just start at the beginning and take frequent breaks. We spent Christmas and New Year in Auckland and then caught the midday flight on New Year's day to Port Vila on Efate, the main island of Vanuatu. When we got off the plane, the intense humidity hit us hard, my jeans (inspired choice of clothing) felt like they shrank immediately and breathing became harder. Auckland had been pretty hot when we left but this was something else. We headed inside the terminal and were greeted by a Ni-Vanuatu (people of Vanuatu) string band, all decked out in matching yellow 'Mother-Hubbard' dresses and sporting huge smiles. It was a pleasant welcome but all I wanted was to get some shorts on and get into some cool water. Unfortunately, after 1/2 hour waiting for our luggage to arrive, we realised that it had decided to take the scenic route here and we had to leave the airport and head towards our first destination, Hideaway Island without clothing, swimming costumes, my computer, snorkels, masks, anything. To help us along the airport gave Laura and I a 14,000 Vatu cheque which I gladly accepted but couldn't do anything with as the airport bank was closed. When we caught the boat across to the island, it looked idillic, a genuine tropical paradise but I was still wearing jeans and feeling far too hot. Being a remote island meant that there were no shops either so we couldn't buy anything other than a toothbrush and so we headed back to our room to turn the fans up to the max. The bungalow room was gorgeous, the balcony hanging over the sea, the room covered in hibiscus petals, the sink in the bathroom was actually a giant clam. We chilled some champagne in the fridge and spent a very nice evening reading, chatting and drinking.

The next morning we woke to hear that there was still no good news about our bags. I tried to stay in the shade for most of the day praying for some better news. At around 2pm, we found out three valuable pieces of information. Firstly, we were being kicked out of the room. Secondly, our bag had been located in Sydney and would arrive on the 11pm flight that night and thirdly, our travel agent had messed up and had booked us on a flight to Espiritu Santo which didn't exist. We couldn't have taken a flight that day anyway as we had to wait for our bags to arrive but it would have been nice to have had a valid ticket to barter for a seat with the following day. Cursing our travel agent and taking a deep breath I rolled my jeans up a little further, packed up what gear we had and headed back to the mainland to try to find a shop where I could at least buy a fresh shirt. In Port Vila centre, we found a little Chinese sell-all shop down a little back street where I bought some jandals (flip-flops) and a T-shirt which didn't smell as pungent as my own. We then looked for somewhere to stay but after a little while realised that our best option was to head back out to Hideaway Island so we called Stella the manager and told her we were on our way. We grabbed some food from a street vendor and caught a van back to Mele beach where we could get back across to the island. Stella was a wonder, a guardian angel who, when we returned to the island that night, had sorted out the airport who said that if we turned up the following day, they would try to find a space for us on a flight to Santo. As I was picking up our luggage later that night, things were starting to look rosy. At 10:45pm, I caught a little boat across to the mainland, a bus to the airport where I picked up our bag finally, cashed the cheque as the bank was now open (why the bank was open at 11:30pm I'm not sure) and made it back to Mele beach where the driver left me after flashing his lights at the island. I wondered what would happen if nobody on the island had spotted his lights but I wasn't long sitting on the suitcase in the darkness before I heard the sound of a small outboard motor and someone came over to pick me up. I dragged the case back to our hut and grabbed a couple of hours sleep. Our flight to Santo was a 7am flight so we awoke at 4:45 and went outside to look at the sunrise. It really was something else. It only lasted around 15 minutes but we managed to get some great pictures before packing up our stuff and heading back to the little boat. This was our third day on Hideaway Island, our third day in Vanuatu and as yet, the only time I had touched the water was trailing my hand in it as the boat took me back and forth to the island. I felt a desperate need to be submerged.

We managed to get a seat on the 7am flight and an hour later we were in Santo. Port Vila wasn't a very well developed town but the capital town in Santo, Luganville was even less so. It was once a scattered collection of modest buildings separated by coconut plantations but then came World War II and with it, hundreds of thousands of American soldiers, changing the shape of the town forever. Now, it's a sleepy dilapidated place with numerous aging Quonset huts (corrugated iron huts) and rusting steel walls. After wandering around the town for a little while and checking out some accommodation options, we decided to head out of town to a place called Coral Quay Resort which, hip, hip, hooray, had a swimming pool. I think it took us less than 2 minutes to get to our room, change into our swimming costumes and go to dive into the pool. It felt wonderful. After the hassles and confusion over the past few days, we were ready to holiday. We really felt that we deserved it at this stage.

Espiritu Santo (Spanish for 'The Holy Spirit') is the largest island in Vanuatu and famous for a few things; Champagne Beach, which is reportedly the best beach in the South Pacific, the 'Blue Holes' which are deep inland, freshwater lakes of incredibly blue, clear water. There are remnants of military equipment which was dumped or crashed here during the second world war and now lies scattered throughout the coconut trees. Finally, it is a dream location for scuba divers, an underwater mecca of coral, multi-coloured fish, Million Dollar Point (see later) and of course the SS Coolidge (the most accessible underwater wreck in the world) .... first things first though ... Laura still didn't have her diving certificate so we called Allan Power Dive Tours who promised that they would see what they could do.

We were called later that evening by a guy called Tim (originally from Cheltenham but he'd lived there for over 12 years and was a really nice guy, obviously had been there long enough to have the chav personality traits removed). He said that he could start Laura's course the next morning and that I could do a refresher course at the same time. Excellent. We had a nice meal that evening and Tim delivered the Dive manual for Laura to study. That evening, I started Cuba Libre by Elmore Leonard (good book) and Laura started the PADI Dive manual.

At 8:10 in the morning, we awoke and headed towards Allan Powers Dive Centre. Laura had to spend the morning watching some training videos while I wandered around the town. That afternoon, Laura and I met up with Tim and another student from Rotorua called Murray to do our first dive. I was doing a refresher course as it had been almost a year since my last dive in the Great Barrier Reef. Although, in most countries around the world, the Open Water Certificate allows diving to 18 metres and the Advanced Open Water Certicate allows diving to 30 metres, Vanuatu has no such limitations. "If you're a diver, you're a diver", said one of the guides. I was planning to dive into the Coolidge and so was going much deeper than 30m so Tim wanted me to do a refresher to confirm that I was able. I passed the test and spent the rest of the time swimming around the impressive coral garden which Allan Powers had built (see later). Laura finished her first day with a huge smile on her face. "I never thought I'd ever be able to ...", she gasped, "It's amazing". Tim reported that he'd never seen anybody with such a look of concentration on her face through the whole dive and laughed that she wouldn't let go of his hand throughout. With a feeling of success, we headed back to the Coral Quay Resort for another slap up feed courtesy of Phil the owner and his great staff.

The SS President Coolidge was built in 1931 by Newport News Shipbuilding & Drydock Co. The luxury liner had been in regular commercial trans-pacific services before World War II, being occasionally used by the War Department on a part-voyage basis. Her first voyage for the army began at San Francisco on 15th July 1941 and took her to Honolulu and Manila. In early 1942 the ship was hastily adapted for carrying large numbers of troops and at once began service to the Southwest Pacific. The President Coolidge travelled to many south pacific detinations before it returned to San Francisco on 29 August and on 6 October sailed for New Caledonia and Espiritu Santo. On 26 October 1942, she struck an American mine in the east entrance of the Segond Channel at Espiritu Santo and sank in 20 fathoms of water. Nearly all of the 5,000 officers and men on board were saved. The captain went down with the ship. There are more photos of the ship sinking here.

Allan Power has a vast knowledge of the President Coolidge; he is the man they call 'Mr President'. He arrived in 1969 to carry out some salvage work and never left. He is, without a doubt, one of the most amazing men I have ever met. He took it upon himself to become caretaker of the Coolidge soon after arriving and has currently carried out around 20,000 dives on the ship, with a 'bottom time' of almost two years. Two years of his life underwater! He emptied the ships oil tanks when they started leaking. He has cleaned, restored and replaced a lot of the fixtures in the ship including of course, the famous stutue of 'The Lady'. He has explored every inch of the 640 feet luxury liner. Many years ago he befriended a huge 200Kg groper called Boris (see photo) who he named after Boris Karloff and has only recently left the area. When he realised that most dives to the Coolidge were around 30-70 metres requiring extensive decompression stops, he himself built a coral garden at around the 10m mark to make it more interesting for divers' deco-stops. Every few years cyclones destroy the garden and he starts to build it back up again. His house is a mini-museum where he has collected artefacts, books and photographs of the Coolidge. When we were there, he had just acquired a genuine handgun and knuckleduster/knife which was found in one of the freshwater streams. He was excited by the fact that the arming mechnism for the gun seemed to be loosening up which was mildly disconcerting. After each dive, we sat in his back garden and discussed what we had just seen while drinking hot coffee and scoffing sweetbread cakes. Mmmmm!

The other famous dive around Luganville is Million Dollar Point. At the end of the second world war, the American government said that they wanted to boost their economy by building new machinery and didn't want the $400 million of tanks, bulldozers, planes, boats, cranes etc returned to the US. They offered all this equipment to the British and the French at a price of 20 cents in the dollar. Although this was probably the greatest deal in the world, the Brits and French knew that the US were not going to haul all the equipment back to the US and so said no, anticipating that they could pick it all up for free when the Americans left. The Americans were a little annoyed so they used their bulldozers to push the equipment off Million Dollar Point, they then used the huge cranes to dump the bulldozers off the edge and then they tipped the cranes in after them. $400 million of equipment underwater. The Americans have to do everything bigger and better than everyone else, even littering. After they left a few people managed to salvage some equipment but most of it remains there. As well as dozens of six wheel drive Studebaker or General Motors trucks and Willys jeeps, there are bulldozers, tracked excavators, graders, forklift trucks, tractors, steam-rollers, motorised scrappers, low loaders, prime movers, semi-trailers and even scaffolding. It is sometimes hard to figure out exactly what you are looking at, things are so intertwined. It's just a bizarre place to swim around.

Day two of the course went well. Laura and Tim spent a lot less time holding hands this time and, with Murray, sat down in the coral garden to go through another series of tests. I floated around above the three of them and watched, very proud of her as she passed one challenge after another. The rest of the week was great. We had fantastic meals at Coral Quay, the weather was beautiful, Laura's confidence in the water increased dramatically, we went to some remote, white sand, palm tree covered beaches, we snorkelled in the surreally blue 'Blue Hole' (crystal clear and beautiful but pretty cold), we saw various string bands, some traditional dancers, we ate laplap, tuluk, nalot (see later) and loads of coconuts, fresh fish and fresher fruits and we scuba dived every day. Big smiles :o) On Thursday night, however, it started to rain hard. We had decided to head into town to go out for a meal but when we arrived, every shop was shutting down and boarding up their windows. Cyclone Kerry was heading this way. We returned to the resort and found that they too were boarding up the windows. We were in a brick building but this was an exception in Santo and we hoped that the locals would be OK, especially those whose cyclone protection was to put some heavy rocks on top of their hut. By midnight that night, the wind and rain had increased to a fierce level and looking out the window of our shelter, we could see palm trees blown horizontal. Rapid lightning gave a strobe effect as rain pelted down and the wind actually roared. At 8:10 the next morning, Laura was supposed to complete her dive course but it didn't look feasible that this was going to happen. We managed to get some sleep but at 5am I awoke again to the same weather and started to wonder whether our flights back to Efate on Saturday would be a problem. I read some more of my book and was so engrossed, I didn't even notice the weather calm down and was surprised at 8am when someone yelled to us that the dive was on. The cyclone had turned and headed further south. We had only caught the very edge of it which was a sobering thought considering what we'd seen. If the centre of the cyclone had hit us, I could only imagine the devastation.

Laura's first dive that day was her last dive with any tests. We went to Million Dollar point and it didn't take long for Murray and Laura to complete the few tasks they had remaining before we got to the pleasure part of the dive which took us in and around the bizarrely beautiful mass of mangled machinery. I'm not a huge fan of the word but the sights were truly awesome, in it's truest meaning. It was my deepest dive ever and the water was pleasantly warm, even 45 metres under. That afternoon I dived 40m into the Smoking Room of the SS Coolidge to see 'The Lady' and Laurs had her first 100% pleasure dive when she dived to 'The Promenade Deck' and saw rifles, knives, helmets, typewriters, toilets and a shark cage. She saw Murray flap about struggling with his bouyancy whilst Toame, her guide, put on a helmet and pretended to shoot him. For the first time, she realised she could laugh into the regulator under water. A certified diver at last, the realisation meant relaxation. That evening, we met up with a lot of our fellow divers at the 'Deco-Stop Lodge' above Luganville, ate a custom feast and watched the entertainment until late evening.

I mentioned laplap and nalot earlier. Laplap is Vanuatu's national dish. Manioc, taro roots or yams are grated into a doughy paste. The mixture is put onto taro or wild spinach leaves and soaked in coconut cream. Pieces of pork, beef, poultry, fish, prawns or flying fox (bat) are added. Leaves from the laplap plant are wrapped around the doughy mix, tied up with stands of vine, and then placed in a ground oven, with hot stones above and below. Tuluk is very similar to laplap, the main difference being that the parcels come in smaller sizes. Nalot is a vegetable dish made from boiled or roasted taro, banana or breadfruit mixed with coconut cream. I liked the laplap and the tuluk but they can keep their nalot - a vege dish with bananas ... how minging is that !!

On Saturday morning, we caught a flight back to Port Vila. We were on a little propellor driven 12 seater plane called the island hopper which flew around the islands and would eventually get us back to Efate. We landed on little grass airfields with huts for terminals and collected the cargo of live chickens and grain. Fun!

Back in Efate, we made it to our next destination, Le Meridien hotel on Erakor Lagoon. The driveway through a beautiful little 9 hole golf course towards a huge entrance hall was impressive and the view from the huge balcony restaurant over their private beach and lagoon, tennis courts and two swimming pools was spectacular. Unfortunately, I think that they relied a little too heavily on location, location, location with the problem that it didn't really compensate for the bad food, bad service and bad organisation. We had a great time but only because we left the resort a lot, especially for meals where we met lots of the other resort guests who were also avoiding the food. The resort advertises as the premier resort in Vanuatu with deluxe accommodation and charges prices which reflect that. It felt like a kick in the teeth knowing how much we had spent to stay there for 7 nights. Anyway, we tried not to let it bother us and it was hard to be annoyed when the sun was hot and the food both in the Waterfront bar and in Tilly's restaurant was so good. We spent a couple of nights in the hotel casino and were pretty successful overall, we visited the Mele Cascades where we trekked up through the jungle to a series of waterfalls and swam in the freshwater pools. One day we headed back to Hideaway Island to dive in the marine reserve and to thank Stella again for her help the previous week. We had two sweet dives, snorkelled a little, dived down to the only underwater postoffice in the world to post a waterproof postcard to someone who we thought would appreciate a postcard posted from the only underwater postoffice in the world, relaxed and lay in the sun.

Overall we had a great time away on both islands. Vanuatu is spectacularly scenic and as yet, blessedly underdeveloped. It is by far the most undiscovered place I've ever been. Champagne beach, which I mentioned before, voted the best beach in the South Pacific, crystal clear and stunningly blue water, perfect palm tree lined white sand beach is often totally empty. You can go sunbathing in the middle of one of the top ten beaches in the world and the only sound for miles around will be your cab driver snoring from his taxi van. There's still a lot of the islands which has just been put on the market and I can't imagine it'll last long. We drove up towards north Santo and passed many acres of plantations which were owned by a French company experimenting with growing different cross-breeds of coconut trees. Another batch of land had been bought by a foreign investor to hold his herd of cattle, cashing in on the exceptional reports about the quality of Santo beef. There are more and more sold signs appearing in gaps of land along the coast and it won't be long before foreign investment once again dramatically changes the face of Vanuatu. I'm not averse to a bit of fastfood but it was a pleasant change when even the major international airport didn't have a McDonalds but a tiny room selling laplap and fresh fruit. The people were easy going, relaxed and genuinely enthusiastic and friendly. Most people speak several of the 105 local languages along with French, English and Bislama (Pidgin English). Bislama is now Vanuatu's most important official national language. Parliamentary debates in Vanuatu are held in Bislama. Bislama is great. For an English speaker this is so much fun. When you listen to it, you can be convinced that you really understand what is being said. You rarely understand any of the words in isolation but when they're rolled together in a sentence, more than once both Laura and I had a vague idea of what the discussion was about. We learnt a little of the langauge so here are some of my favourite words.

good afternoon = gudaftenun
excuse me = skiusmi
I'm sorry = mi sori
brazier = basket blong titi
contraceptive = meresin blong blokem pikinini
diarrhoea = sitsit wota
cat = puskat
ruined = bagarap
seagull = pigeon blong solwater
testicle = bol blong man

which all seems fine but it gets a little ridiculous with the following words. Remember that these are actual translations.

piano = black fala box we igat black teeth hemi gat white teeth you faetem hard i singout
violin = wan smol box blong white man oli scratchem beli i singout gudfala
saw = pulem I kam, pushem I go, wood I fall down
aerobics = dancin blong white man

and the best of all, believe it or not ... I didn't believe at first but it does appear to be true.

helicopter = mixmaster blong jesus christ

Fantastic!! How good is that. All the Ni-Vanuatu we met were generous, chatty and friendly. The women still wear their Mother Hubbard dresses ... large, baggy, loose fitting, very colourful and distinctive dresses which were designed in the 19th century by missionaries who felt that dresses which revealed the curvaceous female figure would be sexually exciting, thus distracting their newly converted flock during church services. The average woman in Vanuatu has a pretty tough life, giving birth to six children and looking after them whilst cooking, tending to the garden and of course taking care of the pigs, her husband's pigs ... the pigs which are the basis behind the nimangki grading system. This grading system is how Ni-Vanuatu men can increase their status in the community and it revolves around pigs.

A Ni-Vanuatu chief has supreme power. His word is law. Even senior politicians in Vanuatu government must do whatever the chief says when they are back in their village. Chiefs achieve this status through the nimangki system, whereby they enusre the support of ancestral spirits by making sacrifices to them. Here's where Pinky and Perky come in. Each grade in the nimangki system is accommpanied by the ritual killing of pigs. Because a boar takes between 6 and 7 years to grow a decent sized set of tusks (which is the prized article), only those men wealthy enough to own many pigs can hope to reach society's highest levels. To rise a grade a man lines up his pigs (sometimes 40 or 50 of them) and wanders along the line killing selected animals as he goes with blows to their heads. He then presents a number of woven mats and sufficient yams or taroes for a lavish meal and with that he increases a grade. He has earned new respect from his village for his wealth and generosity. Pigs are also important when buying a nice wife for yourself. In the olden days, a man would expect to have to pay from five to ten boars for a wife but of course nowadays, things have changed and these days .... you guessed it .... a monetary limit has been set and a man must never have to pay more than 80,000 Vatu for his wife (around $1000). He doesn't get off that easy though ... he may also have to pay the mother of the bride up to 20,000 Vatu for the 'loss of a worker'. Lol, bit cheeky!

We both agreed that we'd jump at the chance to come back to Vanuatu again. I think we'd spend less time in Efate and more in Santo, Tanna and Pentecost. Santo for the diving, Tanna for the volcano and Pentecost to see the naghol land-diving ceremony. The story goes that many centuries ago a woman tried to flee her husband who pursued her up a huge banyan (huge tree). She lept off and he followed, realising too late that she had tied vines to her ankles. Local women re-enacted the jump but this made the wind whistle through the trees, a sign that the husband's spirit was distressed. Because of this, the elders ruled that only men could make the jump. This is bungee jumping extreme. There have been quite a few broken bones and ruptured spleens here. Each diver carefully selects his own vine. If they are 10cm too long, he will crush his skull, too short and he'll be jerked back into the tower. Fathers teach their sons how to dive from their shoulders. Boys practice diving from boulders into the sea and then, when they are eight years old, they are circumcised and allowed to make their first naghol jump. At a naghol ceremony, between 20 and 60 males will jump. Each man will prepare while his friends tie the vines to his legs. He raises his hands, the crowd goes silent, he claps his hands, leans forward and falls arching his back until the vines abruptly stop the downward rush. Only his hair will have touched the soil, to fertilise the yam crop. The crowd roars in appreciation, stomping, whistling and dancing in tribute. The last dive which is taken from the towers narrow pointed peak is the responsibility of the 'chief of the tower' who has to make sure he lunges far enough forward to avoid any of the bits jutting out below him. The men dive wearing only their red nambas (penis sheathes) while the woman dance around in white grass skirts made from wild hibiscus. Next time. eh !?

Two weeks didn't seem like long enough once it was over. We arrived back in Auckland to some fantastic weather and Ben kindly picked us up from the airport. We enjoyed the 9 hour drive back towards Wellington and although tired, both gave that sharp intake of breath we get everytime we come through the valley and catch the first glimpse of Wellington City lit up across the sea. Great to have got away but equally, great to be home ! There'll be some pictures in the gallery pretty soon.

Is it goodbye to the Essex girl?

2005-01-26T08:44:00.001+13:00

I hope so ! :o)

The white stilettos were banished to the back of the cupboard years ago.
But Essex believes it needs a more dramatic overhaul to shrug off its image as the home of tasteless fashion, dodgy nightclubs and footballers' wives.

The county that inspired Essex Girl - the dim-witted peroxide blonde of questionable morals who spawned her own category of jokes - believes its real attributes are going to waste.

It wants to promote itself as one of Britain's 'significant cultural destinations'. To this end, the Essex Development and Regeneration Agency - which is funded by the taxpayer - is creating a £37,000-a year post for a project director to oversee the transformation.

Details of the post emerged when the agency - an offshoot of Essex County Council - advertised for the director in The Guardian newspaper. According to the advertisement, the director will be a ' key player in transforming the Essex cultural landscape'.

The agency's ' Essex cultural tourism programme' will celebrate 'distinctiveness and convey positive images of Essex'.

Last night, a spokesman said there had been a great deal of interest in the job, which is part of a £1.5million campaign to promote the county.
The advertisement for the vacancy reads: 'Would you like to be a key player in transforming the Essex cultural landscape at the beginning of the 21st century?
'This is a new three-year partnership funded by Essex local authorities and Art Council England, East, to promote Essex as a significant cultural destination.
'The programme will celebrate distinctiveness and convey positive images of Essex through a diverse programme of art and cultural tourism activities.'

Dorien, the ultimate Essex woman played by Lesley Joseph in the long-running BBC series Birds of a Feather, would no doubt be too busy shopping to bother.
And Essex Man - a phrase coined by Daily Mail columnist Simon Heffer in 1990 - would probably be too busy swilling lager or tinkering with his car.
A spokesman for the agency admitted: 'I think part of the motivation is to change this white stiletto, Essex girl image and to show that there is much more to the county.'

The spokesman suggested Colchester as the county's cultural centre.

Happy New Year

2005-01-01T10:10:00.000+13:00

A very happy New Year to everyone. Laura and I head off to Vanuatu at the turn of midnight (UK time) so blogs may be few and far between over the next few weeks. Hope everyone has a good time tonight.

Aaaaaaaaaarrrgh

2004-12-30T19:32:00.000+13:00

Moving back to the UK next year and the TV network have planned at least 200 reality TV shows for 2005. How exciting :o(

Corporate Lunacy

2004-12-30T19:23:00.000+13:00

CEO gets fired with a payoff of $1.3million ... per year ... for life.

Infinite Wheel

2004-12-30T19:08:00.000+13:00

A weird little app which has taken up far too much of my time - pretty damn cool.

Dragon Illusion

2004-12-30T19:04:00.000+13:00

This is very, very clever. It's a 1.5 MB video clip well worth downloading.

Video Clips

2004-12-30T10:34:00.000+13:00

I've now uploaded a video clip from the Tenacious D concert in Auckland which can be accessed from the gallery. I've also uploaded some other clips which may be of interest to a few people. (Some of these are quite large so be careful if you're only on a modem connection)

bikespeed (4.2MB) - a camera mounted on a bike being driven way too fast
bike jump (2MB) - a comedy bike clip (well worth watching)
le tallec (8.5MB) - a video showcasing the talents of young Le Tallec (first posted when I was under the illusion that he alone was the answer to Liverpool's woes)
aussie haka (600KB) - the aussies take the piss out of the Kiwi haka
kill bill (2.3MB) - Ghyslian Raza, the Star Wars kid, returns in this excellent mock up of the Kill Bill trailer.
afroninja (2.5MB) - This just makes me laugh over and over again - watch as AfroNinja auditions for a part in a new movie.
lambo (14MB) - watch Jeremy Clarkson poo his pants as the lambourghini test driver takes him on a spin around the track

Photos

2004-12-29T03:09:00.000+13:00

I finally managed to post some photos from the past few months. There are some general shots around wellington, some pictures from a couple of our walks and a few from Lolly's 'Wellywood' Christmas party. I've also posted some very recent (yesterday) photos from a day out in beautiful Takapuna and one of the funniest nights I've enjoyed at the Tenacious D concert in Auckland. All these can be accessed through the gallery.

Earbags

2004-12-29T01:42:00.000+13:00

Earbags have become the latest cold weather fashion accessory and a sell-out success this Xmas.
The bags look like earmuffs without the band.
They use a ring system which clicks them into place so they stay put on ears all day without messing up the hairstyle.
They're available in fleece, soft leather and a leopard skin print ...... could have made an ideal Christmas present ...... now who do I know that likes leopard skin?

Default Passwords

2004-12-28T17:34:00.000+13:00

As a lot of my job revolves around hacking into other people's systems, sites like this are like gold dust to me. A huge list of systems and their default (factory) usernames and passwords. It'll probably be of very little interest to anyone but me but I'm putting the link here for safe keeping. Oh, and if anyone has any of the systems mentioned, it may be an idea to check that the passwords have been changed.

Rockstar Games Rocks

2004-12-28T17:27:00.000+13:00

Good on ye guys! Rockstar games take every game they make which has reached 'classic status' and add it to their site for free download. Currently, the games include Grand Theft Auto 1 and 2 and also Wild Metal. Download them, guilt free here.

Healthy Living

2004-12-28T17:15:00.000+13:00

At last, someone brings out a diet that I can deal with. Eat dark chocolate and almonds and drink booze. The Polymeal diet can reduce the chance of heart disease by 72% (apparently)

Last day at work

2004-12-23T11:11:00.000+13:00

before Christmas and its a good one. Spent the morning having a long breakfast and then sauntered through town looking in the shops. Made it into work at 10am for a champagne breakfast and in half an hour, the company are taking us all to the beach for the day. It's so hot outside - I'm barely recovered from my last sunburn. Happy Christmas everyone!

5 Random Useless Facts

2004-12-20T23:01:00.000+13:00

1. Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite.

2. Native Americans do not have to pay tax on their land.

3. Linen is actually stronger when wet.

4. A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.

5. Most cell phone antennas have no purpose other than to make people believe that flipping up a 2 inch antenna just gave them better reception. They are not connected to any circuitry.

Anyone else notice this? Funeeee !

2004-12-20T16:38:00.000+13:00

Ghostplane news

2004-12-19T16:17:00.000+13:00

Congratulations to Achilles and the rest of Ghostplane who have been selected to support Anika Moa on her next NZ tour.

Got time on your hands ....

2004-12-17T13:38:00.000+13:00

.... build a jet powered toilet :o)

Bad Day

2004-12-16T13:14:00.000+13:00

Does this remind anyone else of the rhyme "I swallowed a spider to catch the fly ..." :o)

Geek Joke

2004-12-16T13:10:00.000+13:00

Why do maths geeks always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?

Since Oct 31 is Dec 25

Pierced Eyeglasses

2004-12-16T13:08:00.000+13:00

When contact lenses or laser surgery isn't an option - maybe piercing the top of your nose and attaching eyeglasses is the answer. Ouch!

Chain Letters

2004-12-14T08:54:00.000+13:00

I know that you all mean well but please do not send me ANY mail which includes the line

SEND THIS TO A MINIMUM OF XX PEOPLE WITHIN AN HOUR OF READING THIS.

... even if it is followed by the not entirely convincing

IF YOU DO, YOUR WISH WILL COME TRUE. IF YOU FAIL TO, IT WILL BECOME THE OPPOSITE

I have received 6 of these emails in my inbox this morning. I'm not sending any of these chain letters on which means that I am

(i) not going to be receiving a free case of champagne
(ii) not going to have my dreams come true
(iii) not going to have my wishes come true
(iv) not going to be given free money by Microsoft
(v) not going to live a long and fruitful life (a personal fave)
(vi) not going to help in the recovery of a young female cancer patient

This may seem very harsh of me ... downright cruel in the case of (vi) to be honest but these are spam mail. These are the worst kind of spam mail - mail sent by people I actually know. Each one of them requests me to forward a mail to between 3 and 15 people otherwise I will have any number of bad things happen to me. I don't like being threatened, even by an email. If you ever receive any of these mails yourself, please stop before forwarding on to me and visit a site such as "chain letters anonymous"

You receive an e-mail chain letter, and you know you shouldn't forward it to ten of your friends: they'll curse your name for clogging up their mailboxes and for wasting Internet bandwidth. But you don't want the bad karma that they say comes from breaking the chain...
At Chain Letters Anonymous, we understand the anxiety of breaking the chain. We want to help you overcome "forward-button addiction" and the superstitious intoxication that brings computer networks to a crawl.
Not everyone has the strength to quit cold turkey, and we fully understand. To help you gradually stop sending chain letters, volunteers at Chain Letters Anonymous are available 24-hours a day in case you "fall off the inbox" and really, really need to send a chain letter to ten of your friends.
But if you don't get help from us, please, please, do not send that chain letter to anyone else.

Message to all sisters (except Michelle)

2004-12-13T20:04:00.000+13:00

STOP WEARING MY CLOTHES AND SHOES!

I have been hearing from SEVERAL people that they have seen some of my clothes around town and have on occasions thought that it was me and I was home without telling them!!!!!! So Cheryl and Sarah - STOP wearing my clothes and shoes, please girls - honestly from one girl to another you know what it is like so please give it a rest.

3 things . . .

1. Cheryl - I am willing to talk to you about a lending of a certain black dress for 1 evening.

2. Never wear my DUFFER jumper to clean your car again or any other house hold duties should Mum be that lucky.

3. Sarah start acting like my silver shoes do not exist - cos when I get home they wont!

And girls remember who is choosing your bridemaids dresses !!!!!!!!!! :o)

Tenacious D

2004-12-13T19:21:00.000+13:00

The Greatest Band On Earth are back! For the first time since 2002 TENACIOUS D are back on tour and heading to New Zealand for shows in Auckland and Wellington.
According to Rolling Stone, "Tenacious D are more than rock stars, much more: They're the Thor and Zeus of a new rock religion, prophets of blood and honour, overlords from the land of the ice and snow. They ask no quarter. They give no quarter. They are the D."
Actors turned rockers Jack Black and Kyle Gass exploded onto the mainstream music scene in 2002 with their single Tribute. The single achieved platinum sales in Australia while the self titled debut album sold over 1 million copies worldwide. Their DVD "The Complete Masterworks" has sold 5 x platinum in the US and platinum in the UK.
Entertainment Weekly declared; "they're profane, bursting with rage and lust, and they deliver more laughs than anyone since Richard Pryor," and audiences concur, with the proof of their popularity substantiated by their latest DVD The Complete Masterworks. Witness a 4,700-strong audience singing in harmony at their concert at Brixton Academy in London and you begin to grasp just how relevant this band is to their fans.
Heading to our shores this December Jack Black and Kyle Gass will perform in the usually concert-barren period between Christmas and New Year. So if you're bored stiff hanging out with the relatives these Christmas holidays, then The Frontier Touring Company are giving you the perfect excuse to get out of the house!

Back by popular demand . . . . .

2004-12-13T18:57:00.000+13:00

Hey all, yes I know it has been a while but it has been a busy few months and I would like to apologise and I will promise never to leave it that long again

New Zealand is still great and we are really enjoying it especially as it is summer at the moment. It is only just the start and we are already walking to work most days without a coat!! Chris and I are quite lucky as we will be going from summer to summer – NZ to UK – it could be worse. Well work is has been the usual and nothing to report. I am really looking forward to leaving PwC next year – I think I would have to think twice about working for such a large company again. The thing I am looking forward to the most is going back to College – I have put a lot of time and thought in to what it is I am going to do and I feel as though I have been waiting for ages! I say this all now but will probably moan like anything when I am a student again – sorry Chris. I am hoping that I will be able to work part time, maybe for the 2nd year anyway.

Christmas is approaching so fast and we are off to stay with our good friends Ben & Joey in Auckland for Christmas day and New Year. We have been looking forward to it for a while now and we are counting down the days (of which there are 8 working ones left). December has just not been the same without an advent calendar. While we are in Auckland for Christmas and New Year we are hoping to catch up with some friends – Scottie, Brad, Debs and Kylie. We are also off on the 28th to see TENACIOUS D – Chris and I are really looking forward to it and treating ourselves a lot considering we fly out of Auckland to Vanuatu on the 1st January – 2 weeks of the hot sun, diving (possibly for me), gorgeous beaches and laying around RELAXING !! I welcome the 1st January. Chris and I have made a lot of plans for our stay and no doubt one of us will blog on our return with stories, news and of course some photos.

So all in all – all's well :o) This is my 2nd Christmas away from home and I can still not get used to it being hot at Christmas !!!!! BBQs just do not seem right this time of year. Anyway, I will blog before the New Year but for now MERRY CHRISTMAS & ALL THE BEST FOR 2005.

Lolly x

Teachers, take note

2004-12-12T07:15:00.000+13:00

Here's a site for the many teachers I know. It's a resource site.. It may be useful but it may be an American site .....ie English teaches either International English or American English?, Geography teaches about the great continent of North America and its offshore islands ie Asia, Europe etc. History teaches about how America won the Vietnam war. It may even explain how an attack by Osama Bin Laden from Afghanistan meant the necessity to invade Iraq ... but I doubt it. I think that's covered in mathematics ... if country A has an active enemy but no money and country B has no active enemy but bundles of oil money, which should corrupt country C invade.

How to fake a knowledge of wine

2004-12-12T07:10:00.000+13:00

Itchy Squirrel advises:
"Here’s a handy trick. Feel the depth of the dimple at the bottom of it. The more expensive the bottle, the deeper its dimple will tend to be."
See the proof here.

We do not wish to drop our average IQ

2004-12-10T16:44:00.000+13:00

Taken from Knobby ...

The British no longer wants America. We do not wish to drop our average I. Q. To allow distinction between Britain and America the following will be implemented.

1. The English language is English as the name English suggests; new dialects made from the non-English are to be banned. The English decide how the English language is to be spoken. As none of you know how to speak English, we think the best idea would be for you to make up your own language, you’ve nearly done so already. It’ll be easier than learning correct English. We advise that the creation of the new language “American” should be left to the few of you with I.Q.s larger than 60. English will now be studied as a foreign language at all stages of education; you may just learn it that way. Your country does not have a higher number of English speakers, what you speak is not English. There is no such nationality as Scotch; it is Scottish. DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW WE DEPICT YOU WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE’RE CALLED.

2. Hollywood is to acknowledge what really happened in all war films. You did not have the “U-571” mission. That was the British. We Were Soldiers is to have a new ending. You did not win Vietnam; the film should show this. Hollywood is to create 10 films of what America did wrong in wartime, we all make mistakes, no wonder you are all bigheaded.

3. Sports are from now on allowed no padding. We can cope without it, you will be surprised to find that no other country does this and it is not necessary. We created the first football, so we decide what is football. Your sport football is now called American Women’s Rugby. Basketball will be called Men’s Netball. You have realised that less padding is better, bouncing the ball will not be allowed. In Hockey only the goalkeeper will wear pads, and you are only allowed to hit with one side of the stick. Cricket will be taught from an early age, while the adults can’t understand, the children might still develop an I.Q.

4. Star Spangled Banner, is now to be used as the theme tune for Sesame Street. The existing one is a little too intelligent for American children. As for the adults, the Sesame Street theme tune is on the same level as your intellectual abilities and is now your National Anthem. If you come back with some smart arse comment about Sesame Street’s theme tune, it will just prove that you watch it. Think carefully.

5. Teletubbies was intended for child’s television. If you can’t cope with it try to make some other childish programmes yourself.

6. Adverts can only be shown twice every 30 minutes on television. TV is for programmes not advertising. Shopping channels will be merged with ordinary stations; this will reduce your advertising, and will reduce the cost of your cable bill.

7. Again, we made beer, so we decide what it is. Budweiser is not beer; beer tastes good.

8. In the next U.S election you will vote for someone that has the mental age of at least 12. It’s not much, but improvements should be gradual. If you elect someone with a mental age of more than 18, each of those that voted for this person will be presented with a certificate of sanity and mediocre intelligence.

9. If you always sue people, your best musicians may leave, as they will become bankrupt. Michael Jackson, and Eminem is evidence that all your successful people just get sued all the time. With this it is no surprise that no-one has an I.Q. of above 60, as the ones that do have to give their money to those that don’t

10. You are not Irish. The real Irish get pissed off when you claim that you are once a year. If you insist on this habit, you may become part of Ireland, but that will mean that you have to learn English, rather than create American (see clause 1).

11. We don’t have handguns; our guns are used for hunting animals not people. You should adapt to do likewise. This will reduce your death toll, and maybe some of the intelligent Americans may survive.

Thank you for your co-operation. We believe if you do the following, your average I.Q. may rise by 50%. You may now continue watching Teletubbies.

Vanuatu ?

2004-12-10T15:19:00.000+13:00

Vanuatu is a "Y"-shaped chain of 83 islands lying 2500km northeast of Sydney (Australia), 2000km north of Auckland (New Zealand), and 800km west of Nadi (Fiji). The total land mass is around 13,000 sq. km. The islands range in topography from towering volcanic cones to others covered in dense rainforest to yet others which are raised coral islands with wide beaches and deep natural harbours.
The people of Vanuatu, a name which means 'Land Eternal', are predominantly Melanesian.
The Ni Vanuatu have populated these islands for centuries and with more than 115 distinctly different cultures and languages still thriving here, Vanuatu is recognised as one of the most culturally diverse countries in the world. There are small communities of French, British, Australian, New Zealand, Vietnamese, Chinese and other Pacific Islands people living in harmony with the Ni Vanuatu. Until 1980 Vanuatu, then known as the New Hebrides, was jointly administered by France and Great Britain as a 'Condominium'.

Shhhtop !!!

2004-12-09T15:50:00.000+13:00

In Holland we brew the Grolsch slowly and then we drive it to the port way way too fast. Beer worth thousands of pounds blocks a highway after a lorry driver failed to heed the advice in Grolsch’s own TV ads . . . to SHHTOP!
Luckily he did at least slow down as he swerved to avoid another truck. His cargo ended up scattered in the road at Overijssel, The Netherlands — but both truckers were unhurt. Free beer ... woohoo !

Speaking of Grolsch - they've got a competition on their site here and there are two rounds so far, 'General Knowledge' and 'Sport'. The questions aren't too hard and it's against the clock - pretty good fun if you've got a few minutes to spare. My best on the sport round is 1320, best on General Knowledge 1408. Go on, have a go.

Sacre Bleu !!

2004-12-09T10:42:00.000+13:00

French gendarmes thought it would be a good idea to hide some plastic explosives in an unsuspecting passenger's suitcase as part of an exercise to train bomb-sniffing dogs. Then they lost the suitcase they had put it in. D'oh! Someone in France (assuming that they have not caught one of the 90 planes which left soon after) is carrying plastic explosives the size of a mobile phone in their bag and probably have no idea about it.

"We hope the person who finds this will take it to the local authorities," said a spokesman for the gendarmerie, France's national police, who planted the mobile-phone-size lump of plastic explosives as part of an exercise to train bomb-sniffing dogs.
"We hope they don't throw it away." he said on Monday. The police are working on the assumption that the explosives, which had no detonator, left Paris aboard a flight between 5 p.m. and 7 p.m. on Friday, said the spokesman, Pierre Bouquin.
About 90 planes left the airport during that period for international destinations, including Italy, Japan, Brazil and the United States, as well as various French cities.
No passenger has contacted the French authorities to report discovering the explosives, the police said on Monday. They said there was no chance the material could go off as it was not connected to a detonator.
Bouquin said the explosives, if detonated, "would not be enough to blow up a building" but would probably be enough to blow a door from a car. He said the incident had occurred because of an "error of surveillance for 10 seconds or a little more."
According to accounts by the police, the suitcase was chosen at random after its owner checked it in, and the explosives were inserted by bomb squad gendarmes. A sniffer dog successfully identified the bag, a dark blue suitcase, but a second dog failed to do so, and before anyone noticed the bag had disappeared down a conveyor belt.
On Sunday, as word of the incident spread, Prime Minister Jean-Pierre Raffarin expressed mild concern, and Bouquin said the practice of using real explosives in such tests would stop.
On Monday, Interior Minister Dominique de Villepin weighed in, describing the incident as "totally reprehensible and scandalous" and vowing that those responsible would be punished.

Are the French losing the plot - first they thought it would be OK to test nuclear explosives down here in the South Pacific - now they're hiding actal explosives in unsuspecting people's suitcases. Even the US hasn't managed that sort of idiocy recently ...... well they have .... but we expect it of them ... France ... you should know better ... il est diabolique.